When we consider the queer history of modern American piercing, many of us think of the legend of “the gay ear”, some of us, more in the know, might think of Gauntlet, Jim Ward, and Fakir Musfar. But one of my favorite historical memories has always been the nipple piercing. As people, we’ve been piercing our nipples for hundreds of years, with documentation of nipple piercing ranging throughout history. But one of my favorite pieces of nipple piercing history (ok, maybe second favorite after envisioning Victoria aristocracy and their nipple rings….no, really) is that of the queer practices and rituals surrounding nipple rings.
“Among gay men, piercing the left nipple only or tattooing an armband on the left upper arm only, can be perceived as a statement that the wearer is a top or dominant, meaning that sexually he is anally insertive and orally passive. In the context of someone who is into B&D or S&M, it means that they are the dominant partner in sexual activities and function as the master, daddy or sir.
A gay man who has pierced his right nipple only or has tattooed an armband on only his right upper arm, can be perceived as the bottom or submissive, meaning that sexually he is the anally receptive partner and orally active. In the B&D and S&M subculture, it means that they are the submissive sex partner, and function as the slave or boy.
Leather women and lesbians who practice B&D and/or S&M may also use the left/right placement of jewelry or tattooing as well to signify top/bottom and dominant/submissive roles. This may also be reflected in women by the wearing of a larger earring/piercing in the left ear or nipple than is worn in the right, or multiple piercings in the left ear or nipple as opposed to a single piercing in the right to signify the top/dominant role.” -BMEZINE
This time period in America was a very difficult time for many gays, we see the rise of the AIDs crisis, intense national homophobia, and lavender scare, and many people had to remain in the closet for their own safety. So subtle messages of signaling one's sexuality were devised. Hanky code was part of that, a color-coded system of handkerchiefs worn in one pocket or the other to denote sexual preferences. With roots in BDSM, specifically gay BDSM, this mentality began to spread to other practices, such as piercings. As recorded in BME, similar to the different signaling of which pocket you wore your hanky in, nipple rings in either just the left or just the right often denote someones sexual preferences and role in queer sex.
But some took it a step further. I sat down with a longtime client of mine to discuss what his nipple piercings meant to him.
“I was living in DC at the time….we weren’t as progressive as the West Coast was. I tried to visit (California) often, it really was a gay paradise compared to suburbia where I lived! My practice was here, I couldn’t leave. I was obsessed with the nipple rings though. I used to always go to Gauntlet when I visited, mostly for all the guys who were hanging about, often shirtless or showing off their new work. I got pierced, or my friends got pierced every time. Never was brave enough to do the nipple, I heard a man scream once getting it!
But many years later I was seeing Daniel full time, we met at a kink party in New Jersey and really hit it off, and we’d made it official not long after. But neither of us could wear collars. He worked in law, and I worked as a dentist, and it wasn’t really….there weren’t spaces where you could get away with that sort of thing. And rings, people asked questions about rings, you know? I didn’t want to explain where the wife was, or that the wife was actually a 6 foot 3 man! We actually saw another couple do it first, a local leather couple did a collaring party and not only did he get a locked collar, but they pierced each other nipples. I thought it was the hottest thing ever. I mean I’d always loved the nipple rings, but like that. It was something special. The man who did the ceremony and the piercings, he used a little glue on the ball ring so it wouldn’t come out easy, it was permanent-like. I loved that. A different kind of engagement ring.
So that's what Daniel and I did. We had a collaring ceremony and all, but my collar was a removable one, what with work and all. But we got our nipples pierced. And we used the same rings with the ball glued in so we couldn’t take them out. I called them our secret engagement rings. They were about as big as a woman’s finger ring, and they were gold. And it was perfect. We had this symbol of our relationship, where no one ever had to know. We could still celebrate our love, but we wouldn’t have to worry about work or people finding out. It honestly didn’t hurt as much as I expected it to….the soreness afterward was quite pleasant.”
My heart just about burst at how sweet this story was the first time I heard it. The concept of using nipple piercing as a form of hidden wedding bands, in a time when wearing actual bands would have been not just socially unacceptable but potentially endangered people's lives or well-being. The ingenuity of the gay community to always find ways to be ourselves and express our love against all odds. It really resonated with me. I asked my client if this was a fairly common practice at the time.
“If you were the kinky side of queer, sure enough. I knew a lot of folks with piercings, and nipple piercings were fairly popular. I know in our circles there were quite a few couples who used them, or earrings if they were more out, as wedding rings. A lot of the lesbians seemed to too, they loved sharing matching earring sets one for each, I always thought that was sweet, even if the studs were always too fem for me.”
Even in modern times, I often have clients come in seeking piercings as a way to commemorate relationships and celebrate their love. Nipple and Genital piercings are still often utilized as part of the collaring ritual, and I’ve helped many a client get matching wedding pieces for their septum piercings or ear piercings. I love that piercings can play a big role in celebrating our love, and specifically their history of doing so in queer culture.
“Even when we eventually did get married and got real wedding bands, I always said the nipple ring meant more since I wore it over my heart. Meant he was always in my heart.”
*Names changed for privacy purposes.