It is no secret that I love body suspension. I post about it often on my social media channels, from photos on my Instagram to multiple blog posts ranging from what suspension is to why I find it so empowering, to videos of my suspensions on YouTube. Of everything the body modification world has brought me, suspension has to be the best of it all. This beautiful ritual has taught me what my body is capable of, and that I’m stronger than I ever knew. The community that surrounds it has given me a chosen family that is irreplaceable and allowed me to witness the depths of the human spirit. You will never see a more sincere, more magical smile on my face than when I am hanging from hooks or helping someone else take flight.
So it kind of sucks that of all the modification content you can post online, from tattoos and piercings to implants and scars….. it's suspension that most often is going to get the most extreme, negative, and hurtful comments from family and strangers alike. In fact, every single time I find myself getting ready for a suspension event, packing my bags with the excitement of a kid on Christmas eve, when I open my phone to check my social media I see a bevy of the same posts. “Headed to a suspension event, going to be posting photos. Please mute or unfollow me for the next two weeks.” “Warning everyone on my page now that there’s suspension content coming.” My friends and peers posting big warnings to their friends and family that they will be at these events and posting suspension photos. People who I will see in person in a few short days who will be overwhelmed with love and bliss and happiness. Who will talk about how they feel at home, how they feel the most themselves, and how this is the best week out of the year for them. Putting disclaimers on their happiness.
And this is because when we don’t….the comments are unkind. “This is disgusting, it’s mutilation and I won’t talk to you about it any further.” “Take that shit out of your back before I use you as a fishing lure.” “I think god is punishing me by making you into this weirdo shit.” These are just a few comments myself and my peers have gotten from friends and family who see us post about suspension online. And honestly, these are on the tamer side. For those of us in the community we are used to it, and we have a thick skin for these harsh words. We post with our disclaimers and our content warnings and we delete or laugh at the rude comments and go about our days. But for new suspendees? People just trying this out and having these magical experiences for the first time? These comments can be deeply painful. The lack of support from family and friends can hurt. And you may not have the words to navigate these complex conversations yet. So today’s blog post is for you- for my first-timers, and my folks new to suspension, excited to share their experiences with the world, to help you prepare to navigate the response suspension often gets.
It’s your experience
First I think it’s important to stress that your suspension is your experience. It’s not your family members or your friends or your partners, it’s not even the experience of the people who put you up. It’s yours. Whatever you discovered about yourself on the end of those hooks, whatever understanding you gained, things you felt, emotions, and thoughts you had. That’s all yours. No one can take that from you or change that from you. You also don’t owe anything of that experience to anyone else- you don’t have to share photos, details, etc of your experience if you don’t want to. It’s yours.
Realistic Expectations
I wish I could say everything will be sunshine and rainbows and you will have this magical flight and life-changing experience and everyone you know will be excited for you and support you in this incredible thing. But…that’s simply not the case. I want to be realistic that a lot of people are super grossed out by suspension and it tends to elicit a very visceral and often negative response to folks who aren’t regularly exposed to it, or open-minded. As such we should set our expectations realistically for our friends and family when we decide to have these experiences and share them. Be prepared for support from some folks in your life. Be prepared for a lot of curiosity and “Why would you do that? Did it hurt?” Questions. And also be prepared for some really negative responses.
Some ways you can prepare:
-Share Existing Resources: I wrote this blog post to help explain suspension to folks who are entirely unaware of it. It gives over the history of this practice, and answers common questions like why would you do this, does it hurt, is it safe, etc. I wrote it as a resource to educate about suspension but also so folks exploring suspension could link this to family and friends who had questions. I find this is a very helpful resource to send as a link to folks who are having negative responses or to use as a resource for how you want to formulate your own answers to these questions.
-Have answers ready: Another good way to prepare is to already think about the questions you will likely be asked and how you want to respond. You might journal about this, make notes on your phone, or include a caption on photos that covers these things. Stuff like why did you do that, what did you get out of it, did it hurt and is this safe are all good questions to have a planned response to. That way you don’t feel on the spot when people ask.
-Content Warnings: We know suspension can be visceral for folks, and the photos can for sure be scary or intimidating to see. I always post my suspension content with a content warning, or on my personal page that people know is going to contain hook content. This warns folks what they are about to see so it’s not a shock for grandma to see me hanging around like a scruffed kitten on Facebook.
-Set your Boundaries: There is nothing wrong with simply not wanting the negativity. It’s ok to add to your posts “no negative comments” and delete any that are left. Again- it’s your experience, it’s your life. If you want to hold a boundary that you don’t what those interactions, that’s your right to!
-Lean on Community: We all know what it’s like to get these negative comments from folks. Don’t hesitate to reach out to your suspension team, or folks you know who suspend, or post in for forums if you want some support. I think we all fully understand the way these negative words can impact us, and we are all here to shower you with positivity, celebrate your achievements, and push back the negativity.
Opportunity to Educate
While these negative interactions surrounding suspension can be difficult, I try to view them as an opportunity to share something that means so much to me. Because I am so passionate about suspension (and because I've done so much reading and writing about it) I feel like I have a good grasp on explaining why people do it and showing folks a different perspective on it. While I accept many people may have a knee-jerk negative reaction, I also believe that with compassionate education, guidance, and talking through it, many people come around. While they may never be the next one swinging in the air, I can often communicate to them the beauty of this act and offer them a perspective that opens their mind to at least why others might enjoy this. I find comparisons to similar more ‘extreme’ sports like mountain climbing, rock climbing, slacklining, etc tend to make a lot of sense. And pointing out that you're more likely to get injured on a football field than you ever are on hooks also seems to make sense to folks. When we contextualize their concerns about harm and explain the mental and emotional benefits of these practices, we often remove a lot of the fear that makes people initially so concerned.
Please remember that your suspension experience is your own. Do not let negative voices or judgment take away from the magic that is this incredible act of self-resilience, growth, courage, and strength. If anything, the fact that you are strong enough to even undertake these experiences shows you are strong enough to weather any judgment or negativity. What matters is that this is something that makes you happy and that you are excited to explore.
Hook Love <3
Lynn
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